Step 1: Accept Yourself

As I sit here on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, while Barrack Obama goes through the inauguration for his second term as President of the United States, I am reminiscing about the many people that have come before me to make this nation what it is today.  And I am reminded of my own life, my own journey to become the person I am today.  This journey has not always been easy for me.  I was bullied in grade school for being gay—something I had not yet necessarily accepted about myself.   I was different, and everyone knew it (including me).  The problem was I did not entirely know how to articulate what was going on inside of me with anyone else.  That is something that would take me years to become comfortable with.  

So for years, I pretended that my difference did not exist.  I lived my life as though nothing was different, nothing was wrong—even though it blatantly sat there staring right in front of me.  It is actually quite surprising to know how long you can live like this, before reality catches up and knocks you down.  Eventually, you come to a point where you can no longer keep up the lie you have going.  Eventually, you have to say, "Enough is enough."  When you reach this point, you just have to sit yourself down, shut everything else out, and accept yourself for who you are...not matter what.  You have to realize that no one is any better than you are.  They are just different, and that is okay.  And if they are not willing to see that in you, than they do not deserve to be your friend or family.  There are others out there who will see yourself for who you are, and they deserve to know you.

Queer Identity

Well...to start off, I like the term "queer" to describe myself. I like it because of its simple, ambiguous meaning: different. Beyond that, being queer does not really affect who I am. It is a part of who I am; it is what I am. "Queer" gets the point across quite adequately, even though most people just look at me and ask, "So, what does that mean for you?" This is a valid question. There are many, many different kinds of people who appropriate the word to describe themselves (which I am all for, by the way: I think everyone should identify as queer).

Queer can refer to someone's sexual identity or expression; it can refer to one's gender expression...or one's self-perception of one's gender.... It can simply refer to someone who does not want to be a "true" man, or a "true" woman according to our society's skewed standards (i.e. men who like to express their feminine side, or women who like to get their hands dirty playing with the boys).

For me: I like men. I am attracted to men. I want my life-long companion and partner to be a man, to grow old and raise a family with...and that is what people really want to know. Now, that does not mean I do not like physical activity or sports. I love playing and watching soccer (or football, as I prefer to call it), Frisbee, and volleyball, or even going for a run outside on a nice warm day. But that does not mean I do not know a thing or two about fashion, either...or Broadway musicals. I think that is why I like the term queer, so much; different is just who I am. I do not fit any stereotypes; I am...me.